Absalom for King!

Written by: Ahitophel 

Advisor to King Absalom and former Advisor of David

Intro: Current State of Affairs

There is a new king, and his name is Absalom.  He now sits upon the throne once held by the seemingly great King David.  Sadly David neglected both Israel and God's commands.  As a result, he is now on the run just like his son once was; oh the irony.  Absalom is what Israel deserves and needs. Absalom is smart, good looking, and most of all, he cares about the Israelites. He is never too busy to address his people's concerns, unlike his disgraced father, who's too busy committing adultery and murder.  

I used to work for David, but along with the rest of the country, I now proudly support Absalom.  However, some are not aware as to what transpired before Absalom took power, and still think fondly of King David. That is why I am writing this editorial, to explain from an insider's perspective what happened behind the scenes of David's reign; to shine a light on how he brushed aside his kingly duties, engaged in the most heinous sins imaginable, and on how he mistreated his own family.  Finally, I will explain why Absalom deserves to rule, and why he is the going to be the greatest king Israel ever had! 

Background: The Life of a Chief Counselor

As many of you know, I served as King David's chief counselor.  I successfully advised him in wars, economic crises, and in religious matters, to both the delight and success of the nation of Israel.  Not to be filled with pride, but my advice had never steered David wrong and shares a track record with the word of God.  To be clear, I am not a fool, and am well versed in the internal and external affairs of the state.

Starting at a young age, I have strived to serve the Lord with all of my heart and all of my mind.  I saw the writing on the wall when it came to King Saul, and rightfully backed King David as he was indeed God's anointed.  Just as I predicted, through the guidance given to me by God as well as through his word, David did end up sitting on the throne, a throne I advised him to move to Jerusalem.  

David was once a man after God's own heart, as evidenced by his faith.  A faith which brought down the chief warrior of the Philistine army, a faith that guided his dealings with other nations, and most importantly, a faith that blessed him in leading the Israelites.  Indeed it was a good run, as Israel went from a mediocre monarchy to a force to be reckoned with.  It goes without saying, that if I were not advising David, he would've been another King Saul, as he does not possess the political wherewithal that I have been blessed with. 

David’s Wicked Act

David lacks the ability to plan, reason, and to use foresight.  He has engaged in numerous horrendous acts that, without the grace of God, would be unforgivable! I am not sure how many of you know, but I am the proud grandfather of a very godly lady who was once married to a very pious man.  Her name is Bathsheba, and her late husband, Uriah, was one of the best generals the Israelite army ever had.  He remained faithful to both God and his king through thick or thin, always putting himself last to the benefit of those around him.  Moreover, he and King David got along very well!  

Now, why does this matter?  Anytime I was carrying out the royal errands, David was left to his own devices.  One night in the middle of a war, instead of focusing on the war effort and strategizing a way to defeat the opposing force's armies, David decided to procrastinate. While mindlessly looking out his window, David noticed a woman bathing.  This lady was the most beautiful in the nation. David, being the pathological pervert he is, chose to pursue this woman instead of the defeat of our enemies.  But this wasn't just any lady; this was the wife of Uriah, as well as my granddaughter.

To make matters worse, when David found out that Bathsheba was pregnant, he did not do the right thing and admit his sin.  Instead, he put Uriah in front of the enemy lines, knowing that it meant his death! David thought he was so crafty.  He felt he could swiftly marry Bathsheba, and no one would be the wiser.  No one would know that he impregnated Bathseba prior to their marriage. 

In all likelihood, David would have gotten away with it if it were not for the fact that God did not like what He saw.  Consequently, God sent his prophet Nathan to rebuke the king for his egregious sins.  I was there; I heard it all.  I now understood how my close friend and boss intentionally had my grandson-in-law killed, to claim the recently widowed woman for himself.  By my estimate, in that short period, David had broken at least five commandments. 

Thoughts on the Current Affairs

Now David is on the run.  This is the king, the coward, that has fled, and Israel is better off for it.

David's actions prove he is unfit for the throne.  Both his sinful actions and his wanton disregard for the well-being of his loyal subjects demonstrate this.

The Monarchy and David

As many of you Israelites already know, the monarchy exists to help Israel develop and thrive in a world full of fellow monarchies, but with some caveats and conditions.  One of these conditions was that the King would listen to the concerns of his subjects.  In doing so, he would provide them with guidance and definitive judgments on their disputes (since he is now occupying the role of the judges of old). 

Yet in David's case, he says he is too busy; too busy with his 'work' to deal with the 'peasants' that make up his nation, even though that is his work!  So instead, as you are all very well aware, David's son Absalom has been dealing with these disputes.  Not only that, but he has been tender and considerate when handling these issues!  He is down to earth, while David is up there on his thrown concerned only with himself. 

Indeed, even though the King has wronged Absalom, as you will soon see, he still took it upon himself to guide the Israelites while their king was unwilling.  Oh, and how was Absalom wronged?  Well, I am glad you asked.

Family Problems and Absalom’s Ascent to Power

Absalom was a faithful and loyal son. He always had the well-being of his father, his family, and particularly his sister, Tamar, in mind.  Tamar was devoted to God and His law, and never wished harm upon anyone.   Also, as you can imagine, she shared her brother's good looks.  Her beauty brought unwanted attention from her half brother, Amnon, who lusted after her exceedingly.  Amnon was such a devious and despicable character that he tricked Tamar into believing he was sick, knowing that her good nature would prompt her to care for him.  Taking advantage of this good nature, he attacked her as she was tending to him.  He had his way with her, bringing her much physical and emotional pain.  This wicked act angered Absalom, who pleaded with his father and begged him to do something about it. But what did David do, you ask?  Nothing.  He ignored it and looked the other way. 

Understandably, this led to an anger and resentment that festered for over two years, a consequence of the caring, loving, and good looking Absalom sitting there waiting for justice to be exacted against his half brother.  But justice never came.  So the just and fair Absalom took matters into his own hands and had his brother executed. 

Absolom's vigilante actions infuriated the seemingly just and holy King David.  Absalom had to run and hide in Geshur, where one of his mother's relatives ruled.  For three years he stayed in this land, grieving the loss of his family and homeland, and praying for an opportunity to return to Israel and make right what once went wrong. 

God granted him that opportunity, and it couldn't have been at a better time.  Amid numerous military mistakes and royal procrastination, Absalom returned to Israel (while still not allowed in the palace).  Unlike his father, Absalom talked to the people, and he ate, prayed, and cried with the people; he did all the things David should have been doing.  It was at this time I realized the mistake I had made in supporting David.

Why I Support Absalom

David ignored his council's advice. David neglected his council's feelings, and he put his pleasure in front of the needs of the Israelites.  He even neglected his own family out of pride and a lack of concern for God and his laws.

None of this is the case for Absalom.  Absalom listens to the people; he feels what they feel; he knows what it is like to be neglected and shunned by the king - just like everyone else.  Moreover, he takes advice from the wise and seeks council from the Godly.  He stands up for his family when they are wronged and will stand up for Israel!  You can be confident that Israel will receive blessings of the highest order under Absalom's rule!  We know David agrees, as his cowardly escape makes clear.  David made a mess, and now Absalom is here to clean it up.

I strive to serve the Lord faithfully and wholeheartedly.  I believe that in light of David’s sins and lack of action to restore order with his family, as well as his skirting of his royal duties, that he is not fit to be king.  Absalom is next in line, and has done his best to care for the Israelites.  I believe that God’s favor has left David, and that the Divine mandate to rule is now with Absalom. 

The fact that David has successfully been overthrown, to the joy of all the Israelites, and that David is in hiding, all confirms that I am making the right choice.  I mean, since the sinful and prideful David has no chance of reclaiming control, it only makes sense to support his godlier and better looking son! 

 Come and join me, the wise men, the palace staff, and your fellow Israelites in praising and following Israel's new and improved ruler- King Absalom